Melancholic Musing...

This morning, as I was rushing to work (I left home a few minutes late...again), I turned on the radio and the first song I heard was Jim Brickman and Richie McDonald's Coming Home for Christmas.

I broke down and sobbed. The initial reason was because whenever I hear songs like this, I'm reminded that so many of our countrymen and women will not be coming home for Christmas. Whether they are still on active duty or whether they are no longer here on Earth. I HATE songs that make me conscious of the fact that I am alive and well while countless soldiers are not. It makes me feel useless. Though I know that they are fighting for my (and all of America's) freedom, I still feel as if I am taking advantage, somehow, of their sacrifice. But that's another story for another time.

I hadn't even given the upcoming holidays much thought. The fact that I don't celebrate Christmas might have something to do with this. :) I usually end up covering shifts here at work to allow my co-workers to spend the season with family and friends. But that doesn't bother me much. Someone commented to me the other day, "Aww, Michelle! You miss out on all the fun!" (of Christmas) But I thought to myself, "How can I miss something I've never known?" We have our own kind of fun during the holidays. I'm grateful for the contentment and peace I feel during this time. I know there are others that miss the season, but I'm grateful that that's one struggle I don't have. (I really hope that didn't come out self-righteous because my feelings are far from that. Please don't take it that way!)

Okay, as preachers would say, let me quit "chasing rabbits" and get back to my story.

After I cried a bit for the soldiers (yes, I am a huge crybaby) then my mind went to the losses that I myself and those close to me have known this year and how there will be empty seats around the table this year. And I cried for them. :)

Bekki, Albert and the Simpson family. Nadia's cousin who died in Iraq last month. Tammy's father who died this summer. My own grandfather.

And then there are others, whose loss may not be recent, but feel the emptiness still.

Leora's mom comes to mind. My cousins, Stephanie and Beth and their families will miss my Uncle Robert when the family gathers for dinner. My grandmother will miss her husband and two sons. My dad's family will miss my grandmother. She died 3 years ago, next month. How's that for a Christmas gift?

So this holiday season will be a bit sad for me. Not only do I feel the loss of my own grandparents at this time, but I feel for others and their respective losses.

We can scream and rage at God and ask why, but even if we heard the answer, it could not change the results. Maybe the pain would lessen, but who can know?

To those who have hope in Heaven and the loved ones they will see there, the tears are bittersweet. To those of us who do not share the same hope...*insert sad, watery smile*

Hold your loved ones closer than ever this season. Smile brighter, laugh louder, love deeper. Sounds like a corny bumper sticker, huh? :)

Happy Holidays,
Michelle