I Wanna Be a Beach Bum!

Puerto Rico, here we come!

I just bought Sis. Pace’s ticket to Puerto Rico! (the gals and I are treating her to a vacation in May) Mine will be purchased next week. It was supposed to have been purchased this week as well but my paycheck was spent on a Christmas party. Holiday party. Whatever it is.

So. It’s 50 degrees and overcast today but in my mind, I’m basking in the warm evening breeze on a Spanish beach! I can faintly smell Jen’s sunscreen (she’s basking beside me and reading an Elle magazine) because she tends to lather it on like lotion. Hehe I pause to brush some sand from my beach towel. A hazard of laying out, I hear. I adjust my shades and briefly scan the beach for…well, never you mind what.

And my phone (here at work) rings and I am transported back to a dull, dreary, boring day in Dallas. Who in their right mind is worried about insulation on the eve of Christmas Eve?!

Anyways. So since I’m bored and my mind is about 2,151 miles southeast of here, I decided to plan my trip. A tad early, but I’m excited! I know it’s hard to pick on the enthusiasm right now, but I assure you, I am jazzed about this trip!

Okay, so first, I’ll need a beach bag.

Cute! A Tiki bag from Amazon…but out of my budget. $160…

Now this is more like it! Roxy Wild Side Canvas Tote Bag from SwimOutlet.com – only $29.95!

Or if I’m in the mood for a bit of color…I’ll have to wait until spring. Lol I couldn’t find anything cute online!

Next, I will need…shades! But since this is always a sore spot for me, I will refrain from adding any pictures.

I will also need…shoes!!!!

Love these! Steve Madden Sanzo…this sandal has every color in the box represnted! Wear it with anything...okay, not anything.

Kenneth Cole Know Show for an evening out, maybe. But wait! I already have them! Heh heh

Lovitz by Aldo…tres chic!

Can you tell, I tend to gravitate towards neutrals?

*sigh* It’s a defect, I know.

What else? Oh, a pretty dinner dress! Or frock, as some would say.

Okay, so these aren’t dinner dresses but they would be wonderful for during the day! A tad (ot a lot!) longer though…

Now these are some cute dinner dresses? (pictured above) Add a cardigan, some cute shoes, the hand bag and you're ready!

And Oh, how I adore this one! I may have to sew my own version of it. Hmmm

Okay, I can go on forever with dresses and shoes, what else shall I need?

This Is the Real Me

I was never a great scholar. In my early years of school, I remember loving it. But that was because it didn’t challenge me. 6^th grade was a nightmare. That’s when it seemed all the girls in my class had mood swings daily, myself included. lol High school, however, was what really did me in. It was hard to understand some of the work, I was home schooled, you see. Both of my parents, for the first few years, had to work so one was at home when I needed help with Science or a random math equation. When the parents got home and asked why the work wasn’t done, I was too ashamed to say that I didn’t understand it and reverted to my 6^th grade attitude. I was in trouble more times than I can remember back in those days.

I remember feeling inadequate. Small. Even stupid. In addition to that, I had a huge problem with self esteem. I felt plain, unattractive. It was so bad that once, while at a family gathering, when the others were all taking family pictures, I went in my room and hid under my desk so no one would find me. I didn’t feel pretty enough to take pictures with the rest. An ugly duckling in a family full of swans. Lol Yes, it’s pretty pathetic but tell that to my broken heart. So many times I raged at God for making me “the plain one” in the family. And the embarrassing thing is, I don’t even think I was a teenager anymore. Maybe I was, who knows?

I also remember times when God would do something to remind me that I was, AM beautiful to Him. Dad had taken Rhonda and I to Puerto Rico one Thanksgiving. It was just for a couple days and was a last minute decision, as usual. She and I sat together in first class. I was seated in the aisle seat and she was near the window. I remember feeling giddy and we were most likely giggling, like normal teenage girls do. I can’t remember what prompted the conversation but a male flight attendant struck up a conversation with her. He asked if she was “going home”. I guess she looked like the Puerto Rican, not me. If anyone knows my sister, you can imagine what her response was. She backed in her seat and said, No. Her whole demeanor changed and after a few more attempts at conversation, the attendant left. We laughed at him for a bit but the whole episode left me with tears clogging up my throat. Why was I not the one who was mistaken for a Puerto Rican? Was it because my skin was darker, my hair more coarse? The whole plane ride, It’s not fair, it’s not fair, echoed in my mind. We landed and I finally was able to take my mind off the attendant and how he completely ignored me. Puerto Rico was too wonderful for me to be in a bad mood! The last night we were there, I told Rhonda and Dad that I wanted to take a picture of a “hot guy” for Jen. (back when she was still Jennifer – lolol) She wanted a hot Puerto Rican and I was going to give her a picture as a laugh. I went into the lobby and viola! A hot Puerto Rican guard! I lost my nerve and went into a sitting area and stared out the window. Trying to get my nerve up to ask if I could take his picture! He followed me into the room. (no hanky pankiness, mind you, I promise! It was an open, airy room that opened directly into reception area) As I was staring out the window, trying to ignore the hot guy sprawled on the sofa(this doesn’t sound good, does it?! Lol) behind me, the man starts talking to me! He asks what I think about Puerto Rico, I tell him it’s beautiful. He says, yes, beautiful like you. Okay, I about died. I was in heaven! Hot guy fell asleep after our short conversation and I went back to the room. Sorry, Jen! No picture! I was so happy! It may have been just a random guy flirting because that’s all he ever did in life, flirt, but to me, it was God telling me that I was beautiful to Him.

The next time that stands out so vividly in my mind was one evening when I was having a hard time with my schoolwork. We were living in our trailer parked behind the church (glad those days are over!) and I needed a Bible for some English lesson. This was the scripture I was supposed to memorize. Psalm 139, verses 14-18.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15 My substance was not hid from thee when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

Imagine that! Me?! God knew and loved me before I was even formed?! Sure, I’d heard the scripture before but it was not until that moment, that the scripture became real to me. He knew that I wouldn’t be perfect, He made me that way. Yet I am still wonderfully and fearfully made! God doesn’t require perfection or beauty to extend love towards mankind. He loved us because we are His creation. It took me years to realize this, years to figure it out. I didn’t understand how One so mighty and holy could love someone such as me. “What is man that Thou are mindful of him? And the son of man, that Thou visited him?”

I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Not as often as I used to. But I’ve still not overcome it. People tell me that I come across as if I’ve got it all together. That I am self confidant. This is amusing to me. I’ve heard people say that I think I’m prettier than them. This, also, is amusing to me. I let them think this. It may be wrong of me, but I feel comfortable behind my mask.

The Real Me by Jackie Velasquez

People think I've got it all together
With the show and my sweet, sweet smile
But do they know if I've been happy ever
Pull up a chair 'cause this may take a while
O.K. so here's the thing

I've got my bad days, and some are even worse
I can be a blessing and you know, I can be a curse
I tremble at rejection, I'm scared to be alone
Sometimes I may be selfish, but I always make it home

This is the real me
Am I the girl that you want me to be
This is the real me
With flaws and fears of intimacy
This is the real me
Can you face it
Can you feel it
Can you take it
Can you deal with
The real me

So now you see that I am far from perfect
I will fall and I will make mistakes (oh, no)
But I am here and this has taken courage
Will you abandon me or will you stay
(Please stay with me)

I know that I'm demanding and sometimes insecure
I think I've got the answers, but then I'm not so sure
I sometimes need attention a little more than I should
But there is a part of me that would give the whole world if I could

Winter!

While the first official day of winter for 2010 isn’t until Dec. 21^st, it’s "winter enough" for me right now to update my blog!

I’m looking forward to…

Making fires! In the fireplace, of course. ☺

Our Annual GTAC Youth Holiday Party! AKA, hanging out until the wee hours of the morning at someone’s house.

My brother and sister-in-law coming to town!

Wearing boots and pretty scarves all the time!

Buying boots and pretty scarves! (all the time! No, not really...)

Eating pecan pie! (why is it that I can’t get anyone to make me a good pecan pie in the summer? I don’t get it…)

The family getting together! (Yay! Wayne’s coming home!)

Snow! (if only Texas will cooperate this season…)

Curling up in my warm, soft, feather filled bed with a couple of good books!

Days off from work! Praise God!

Spending a special December 31^st with people who mean the world to me. Even though it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find a white outfit this time of year!

And plenty more but I can’t think of anything else right now so you just have to take my work for it. And I have to go back to actually working. Since I am on the clock. ☺

Noah Today

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in Atlanta and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
Start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
Weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a Building Permit."

"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
About the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my
Back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
Go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power
Lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
Passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
That the sea would be coming to us, but they would
Hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
On cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
Needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was
Confining wild animals against their will. They
Argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
A confined space."

"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
On your proposed flood."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
Insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
With endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
Years for me to finish this Ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
And a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."

Melancholic Musing...

This morning, as I was rushing to work (I left home a few minutes late...again), I turned on the radio and the first song I heard was Jim Brickman and Richie McDonald's Coming Home for Christmas.

I broke down and sobbed. The initial reason was because whenever I hear songs like this, I'm reminded that so many of our countrymen and women will not be coming home for Christmas. Whether they are still on active duty or whether they are no longer here on Earth. I HATE songs that make me conscious of the fact that I am alive and well while countless soldiers are not. It makes me feel useless. Though I know that they are fighting for my (and all of America's) freedom, I still feel as if I am taking advantage, somehow, of their sacrifice. But that's another story for another time.

I hadn't even given the upcoming holidays much thought. The fact that I don't celebrate Christmas might have something to do with this. :) I usually end up covering shifts here at work to allow my co-workers to spend the season with family and friends. But that doesn't bother me much. Someone commented to me the other day, "Aww, Michelle! You miss out on all the fun!" (of Christmas) But I thought to myself, "How can I miss something I've never known?" We have our own kind of fun during the holidays. I'm grateful for the contentment and peace I feel during this time. I know there are others that miss the season, but I'm grateful that that's one struggle I don't have. (I really hope that didn't come out self-righteous because my feelings are far from that. Please don't take it that way!)

Okay, as preachers would say, let me quit "chasing rabbits" and get back to my story.

After I cried a bit for the soldiers (yes, I am a huge crybaby) then my mind went to the losses that I myself and those close to me have known this year and how there will be empty seats around the table this year. And I cried for them. :)

Bekki, Albert and the Simpson family. Nadia's cousin who died in Iraq last month. Tammy's father who died this summer. My own grandfather.

And then there are others, whose loss may not be recent, but feel the emptiness still.

Leora's mom comes to mind. My cousins, Stephanie and Beth and their families will miss my Uncle Robert when the family gathers for dinner. My grandmother will miss her husband and two sons. My dad's family will miss my grandmother. She died 3 years ago, next month. How's that for a Christmas gift?

So this holiday season will be a bit sad for me. Not only do I feel the loss of my own grandparents at this time, but I feel for others and their respective losses.

We can scream and rage at God and ask why, but even if we heard the answer, it could not change the results. Maybe the pain would lessen, but who can know?

To those who have hope in Heaven and the loved ones they will see there, the tears are bittersweet. To those of us who do not share the same hope...*insert sad, watery smile*

Hold your loved ones closer than ever this season. Smile brighter, laugh louder, love deeper. Sounds like a corny bumper sticker, huh? :)

Happy Holidays,
Michelle

NYC V

Friday morning came a few seconds after we closed our eyes. Or so it seemed.

Tante had been working so we hadn't seen her since Monday. We had pretty much had the apartment to ourselves, which was nice. We had barely woken up when she knocked on the door saying she was back.

Tante treated us to brunch at a West Indian restaurant. Jerk chicken and rice for breakfast! Then we headed off to see the Brooklyn Bridge while she went to meet a friend.

Bless his heart, people were making fun of him but he sure did pose for these pictures!

We exited the subway near City Hall and were immediately part of an audience for a Michael Jackson show. I wonder where Mike found white, ruffled socks with sparkles on them.... The sad part was that his 3 dancers were way better than him. Even sadder was that a passerby showed them all out when he "did his thing" at the urging of his friends. The young, white kid break danced better than Michael Jackson and Friends. lol

This is my favorite picture of all!

Jen's long arms come in handy for group self portraits! :)

After our photo op on the Brooklyn Bridge, we headed into Chinatown and shopped a bit. Fun times. No haggling, though. I abhor it. I just pay the asking price.

After Chinatown, we went to Little Italy.

And then to Ground Zero. Since construction for the memorial is well under way, there was not much to see. Thank God. I would so have cried. But the hard hats and construction signs pretty much removed the melancholy feel surrounding the place.

We headed back towards home. When we got back to our subway stop, Jen went on to visit some of her family, Lyda went home to rest her toesies and I went to Starbucks to blog like a good little nerd. :)

At about 7:30, we all met back at the apartment to get ready to go out for the night. Tante kept asking why we were so dressed up, if we had dates. I said yes. I don't think she believed me. Wonder why. We headed to Greenwich Village to eat at a little Cuban place that Jen found online a few weeks ago, named...Cuba. Original, huh? It was a small hole in the wall where they played loud, live Cuban music. The place was packed and noisy but it was great! Lyda and I ordered Filete de Pargo, red snapper over green plantains with black beans and rice. I think I committed a sin that night with all the food I shoved down my gullet! It was soooo good! I have not had red snapper for years and I highly enjoyed myself! Definitely a favorite place now!

After dinner, we walked back to Times Square. I think half the population in New York had the same idea, lol. Great place to people watch. We had a blast walking up and down 7th Avenue. Until exhaustion set in.

City skyline by night

This morning we slept in somewhat. We didn't do much today, much to my disappointment. lol Oh well. Next time I shall be better prepared. :)

And now here I am, on the plane back to Dallas. The pilot is announcing that we will be beginning our descent shortly. Noooo! I am not ready to go "back to reality"! All in all, my opinion of NYC has changed drastically. I've been twice before but never really enjoyed the place. My previous opinion was cold, dirty, stinky and crowded. lol None of that has changed. It's still cold, dirty, stinky and crowded. But I know now what people mean when they say that NYC has it's own vibe!

View from the plane

Some of these photos were contributed by (or stolen from) my two lovely companions, Jen and Lyda. Thanks, ya'll!

Puerto Rico next, ladies?!

NYC IV

Boston.

This morning we woke up at 5:30 am. Our bus to Boston was scheduled to leave at 7am but the Greyhound website cautioned travelers to arrive an hour prior to departure. They give away your seats if you aren't there. Needless to say, we boogied on down to the subway.

It was chilly and rainy and dark in New York that morning.

It was chilly and rainy and dark in Boston all day. lol

We slept about 90% of the way, having gotten very little sleep the night before. I did see some scenery along the way. Jen and I were excited to be traveling in that part of the country during the fall. We were jazzed about getting to see the leaves changing from green to gold and yellow. But with the rain, any photos we would have taken, wouldn't have come out good, Oh, and we couldn't exactly ask the bus driver to stop for 2 seconds so we could take a picture, I don't think he would have done so.

I made it to Boston in the fall! Eat your heart out Veggie Tales!

Did I mention that it was cold and rainy that day?

Below are the pictures of us following the Freedom Trail. I loved it!

Boston Common




Public Garden



Walking the Freedom Trail


State House

Park Street Church

Granary Burying Ground


Jen and Benjamin Franklin

We made a slight detour while we waited for the rain to ease up. We stopped in some stores that we don't have here in Texas. Marshalls, TJ Maxx and Payless. *notice the sarcasm* But like always, I found something I could not live without. The idea to stop was so we could dry out and warm up a bit. That didn't work. By the time we left the stores, the wind had also joined forces with the rain and the cold. Niiiiice.

Quincy Market

My wonderful dinner, clam chowder!



Paul Revere's House

Paul Revere Monument

"Fallen Soldier" Memorial

We hurried to the next stop on the Freedom Trail, Quincy Market, for brunch. The bowl of clam chowder that Jen scarfed down and I took my time with (lol) was wonderful! It definitely hit the spot! Lyda decided to stay at the market place while Jen and I braved the harsh conditions of the day. (dumb move on our part, lol) I really wanted to make the whole trail but when we got to Zakim Bridge (aren't I good?) crossing the Charles River Basin and saw the Bunker Hill Monument in the distance, we changed our minds on making it the whole way. I really wanted to see the USS Constitution, though, so we walked to Charleston Navy Yard. By the time we got to the docks, the ship was closed (closed at 4pm) so we went to the Museum to dry out (literally!) and walk around for a bit. After somewhat drying our skirts, scarves, gloves and hats under the automatic dryers in the bathroom, we checked out the rest of the Museum. It was very informative and super kid friendly! Jen and I plan on taking our *cough, cough* children there in about 20 years or so. (we figure we may get married in another decade or so, and possibly have kids the following decade, lololol! Right Jen?!)

USS Constitution

Jen, testing me to see if I'd make a good soldier aboard the ship...

I failed.

Bunker Hill Monument (this was as close we wanted to get!)

Anyhoo. We don our winter gear yet again and face the long trek back to retrieve our missing compadre, We decided to take a shortcut and made it back in a relatively short time.

Quincy Market at night

After meeting Lyda, we continued on to the bus terminal and caught a sooner bus back that we planned. That was the most...lively bus ride I have ever taken! Oh. My. Word. It actually started before we even got on the bus. A loud woman and her autistic child attracted the attention of everyone (no lie) in the terminal. First of all, the lady was so loud that at first we thought she was the announcer lady on the speaker. Nope. she was just gifted with an extraoidinary set of lungs that she used to speak to the child. Seated right next to her on the floor. Where is CPS when you need them? The child/animal was crawling/leaping all over their section of the terminal, pretending she was a "kitty" and eating her stuffed animal from off the floor. I guess she was a carnivorous kitty that understood English and knew how to talk on the phone (she would leap up into a payphone booth until her mother screamed for her to get down. After yelling at the child, trying to call her back, Mom finally learned that unless she called the child "Kitty", she wouldn't obey. Yeah, they made a nice, distracting side show while we waited on our bus.

Which was NOTHING compared to the show on the bus itself.

Everything was relatively normal for an hour or so. An older, male passenger seated in the row behind us was loud and friendly. He also stunk. Apparently he'd been traveling for 2 days already heading to Jacksonville to meet his buddy. After we made a short stop at a Sbarro's along the way, Mr. Hobo asked the man behind me if he would switch seats with him. They were seated across the aisle from each other. Seated in between them was a woman who giggled at everything Mr. Hobo said and shared her fries with him. The man said, "No, I'd rather not." Mr. Hobo asked why and the guy repeated, "I'd just rather not." When we were nearing New York City, that's when the drama started. I had my head phones on listening to Hawaiian music, in my own zone, when I noticed my neighbor shaking her head and rolling her eyes at me. Not wanting to miss anything (and instantly knowing who was responsible for her irritation), I took my headphones off. And cracked up. The two men were going back and forth, cussing each other out. My neighbor called them "The Rednecks". Apparently, Mr. Hobo got his feelings hurt when the other guy wouldn't "let him sit next to his girlfriend"! They went back and forth for a good 10 minutes over this. It was like being back in 6th grade! And there was a chorus of singers at the back of the bus while all this was going on. According to the lady next to me, they were singing a Prince song. I don't know what song it was but I know they sounded awful. lol I got my cell out and texted a couple people because I just had to share the moment! My neighbor confessed that she was going the same thing! I could hear Jen and Lyda cracking up across the aisle. At least we had something else to concentrate on, other than how awful Mr. Hobo smelled. Ugh.

We were slightly disappointed because there was no fight after we got off the bus. I guess one of them chickened out. lol

So, we got on the subway, headed back home, and fell into bed. Warm and dry at last!