Bekki's most recent blog title was "His Strength Is Perfect".
I'm finding that to be so.
A couple weeks ago, I found myself praying for God to "show me myself". Always a dangerous prayer. The last time I prayed that, it rocked my world. I mean, who really wants to see themselves as a petty, selfish individual who cares more for their desires than anything else?! Well, He did it again. Though I am relieved to know that I must be "growing Spiritually" because what the Lord showed me is totally different from what I would have imagined. You always hear preachers saying that if you do not overcome a particular obstacle, God always brings it back around in hopes you do overcome it the next time, right? So on the flip side, if God shows you something new about yourself, then you must have overcome something that you've been working on and He decides, "Okay, time for a new one!" and WHAMMIE! He blindsides you with something else to work on.
Well, we recently had Bro. Carlson, an evangelist from Oklahoma City, come by and Jesus stepped all over my toes. From the Get Go, I knew God was dealing with me. The first message was (and I don't remember the title) asking what our motivation is. Basically, why do we do what we do? Is it in self interest or is it to further the Kingdom of God? I had no clue yet, what God was asking me but I knew He was preparing my heart for something.
The next message was God telling me what I needed to give up. And I sat there stunned because there was really nothing "wrong" with what I was doing! Not really. Okay, not all of it. Some of it, my Pastor doesn't like but I still didn't see the "sin" in it. I thought it was just his opinion and his preference. And the rest, there was nothing wrong with it! But I acquiesced and told God, "Okay. Whatever." Definitely not with the right spirit! And over the course of the next day, I "talked myself" out out of the conviction that God had given me the night before. So easy to do when you don't truly pray about what God has given you.
And God came back and ripped me apart again. Bro. Carlson came back and preached along the same lines again saying that someone (ME) was ignoring what God was trying to tell them and was rebelling again Him. Now that scared the snot out of me because I'm sitting there going, "But I haven't done anything yet!" Yet what God was seeing was my heart, my intentions.
And the revival pretty much ended that way. So God sent someone to tell me (if that revival was for anyone, it was for me) what He wanted me to give up. And over the course of the next couple days, I realized that, even though what I was doing and enjoying might not have been sin, per se, God wanted to see how deep my love for Him is. Is it deep enough to give up a dream of mine that I've held on to for over 15 years? Is it strong enough to keep bitterness out of my heart towards Him? Is His love enough for me? Is He enough for me? And the last night of the revival, I prayed what Bro. Carlson told us to pray. That God would give me Grace to be able to obey Him. To give me peace about the whole situation.
And while I would like to say that I've leaped over that obstacle and conquered that desire...I've not.
Because I happen to pass one of the "objects of my desire" twice a day, 5 days a week. :) Jen might realize what I'm referring to. And like I said earlier, if you're not praying about the instructions that God has given you, it's so easy to let it fall. To mean nothing.
Last night, on the way home from work, I started imagining myself in that beautiful building, just for once! And that would be it! Really! Then there would be the one coming up soon, too. No harm done!
Elder Pixler happened to be visiting last night. :) He didn't say much but closed with this, "You can't play with God. The Lord wanted to tell someone that tonight." And while that be a pretty general admonition, I heard it reverberate in my soul.
And while the things that God asked me to give up, might not be sin, they are now sin for me. It made me look at myself and realize that there might be more things that have too strong of a hold in my life. If it hurts so much to let it go, then it might be a weight that will keep me from Heaven. It shames me when I think of all He gave up for me. And I have to remind myself that nothing He ever asks of me is worthy to compare what was asked of Him. It also humbles me to think that even in my hard-hardheadedness, there must be something genuine in my heart for him to send not one, but two preachers by to speak to me!
I'm finding that to be so.
A couple weeks ago, I found myself praying for God to "show me myself". Always a dangerous prayer. The last time I prayed that, it rocked my world. I mean, who really wants to see themselves as a petty, selfish individual who cares more for their desires than anything else?! Well, He did it again. Though I am relieved to know that I must be "growing Spiritually" because what the Lord showed me is totally different from what I would have imagined. You always hear preachers saying that if you do not overcome a particular obstacle, God always brings it back around in hopes you do overcome it the next time, right? So on the flip side, if God shows you something new about yourself, then you must have overcome something that you've been working on and He decides, "Okay, time for a new one!" and WHAMMIE! He blindsides you with something else to work on.
Well, we recently had Bro. Carlson, an evangelist from Oklahoma City, come by and Jesus stepped all over my toes. From the Get Go, I knew God was dealing with me. The first message was (and I don't remember the title) asking what our motivation is. Basically, why do we do what we do? Is it in self interest or is it to further the Kingdom of God? I had no clue yet, what God was asking me but I knew He was preparing my heart for something.
The next message was God telling me what I needed to give up. And I sat there stunned because there was really nothing "wrong" with what I was doing! Not really. Okay, not all of it. Some of it, my Pastor doesn't like but I still didn't see the "sin" in it. I thought it was just his opinion and his preference. And the rest, there was nothing wrong with it! But I acquiesced and told God, "Okay. Whatever." Definitely not with the right spirit! And over the course of the next day, I "talked myself" out out of the conviction that God had given me the night before. So easy to do when you don't truly pray about what God has given you.
And God came back and ripped me apart again. Bro. Carlson came back and preached along the same lines again saying that someone (ME) was ignoring what God was trying to tell them and was rebelling again Him. Now that scared the snot out of me because I'm sitting there going, "But I haven't done anything yet!" Yet what God was seeing was my heart, my intentions.
And the revival pretty much ended that way. So God sent someone to tell me (if that revival was for anyone, it was for me) what He wanted me to give up. And over the course of the next couple days, I realized that, even though what I was doing and enjoying might not have been sin, per se, God wanted to see how deep my love for Him is. Is it deep enough to give up a dream of mine that I've held on to for over 15 years? Is it strong enough to keep bitterness out of my heart towards Him? Is His love enough for me? Is He enough for me? And the last night of the revival, I prayed what Bro. Carlson told us to pray. That God would give me Grace to be able to obey Him. To give me peace about the whole situation.
And while I would like to say that I've leaped over that obstacle and conquered that desire...I've not.
Because I happen to pass one of the "objects of my desire" twice a day, 5 days a week. :) Jen might realize what I'm referring to. And like I said earlier, if you're not praying about the instructions that God has given you, it's so easy to let it fall. To mean nothing.
Last night, on the way home from work, I started imagining myself in that beautiful building, just for once! And that would be it! Really! Then there would be the one coming up soon, too. No harm done!
Elder Pixler happened to be visiting last night. :) He didn't say much but closed with this, "You can't play with God. The Lord wanted to tell someone that tonight." And while that be a pretty general admonition, I heard it reverberate in my soul.
And while the things that God asked me to give up, might not be sin, they are now sin for me. It made me look at myself and realize that there might be more things that have too strong of a hold in my life. If it hurts so much to let it go, then it might be a weight that will keep me from Heaven. It shames me when I think of all He gave up for me. And I have to remind myself that nothing He ever asks of me is worthy to compare what was asked of Him. It also humbles me to think that even in my hard-hardheadedness, there must be something genuine in my heart for him to send not one, but two preachers by to speak to me!
