The Dancing Visitor

There was a star danced, and under that was I born.

My good friend Shakespeare penned that many moons ago. Lately I have been feeling very confused about my place in this world. One day I'm bursting with life and the possibilities that exist. I'm dancing around my room or singing at the top of my lungs in my truck on the way home from work. These are private concerts. Entrance upon invitation only, don't you know. Yet I'm very exclusive of who gets an invite. Yep, just me and Jesus. :)

There are days when I feel the best of me is ready to begin...

I'm feeling optimistic about my life and what is ahead. Soon my truck will be paid off and I can start tackling my credit cards in earnest. My room is coming together, so excited! All I have left to do is paint my vanity, buy a mirror for my dresser and maybe some touch up painting on my walls. Next on the renovation list is our office at church! Can't wait...

My job is getting easier to handle. I'm learning what to stress about and what to let go of. lol Makes a difference. I'm learning to organize and Excel is now my BFF. And my support team is AWESOME! Which helps tremendously.

I can honestly say that I ♥ teaching Sunday School now! I have the Beginner Class for another couple weeks and it's so much fun! It's so rewarding to hear them learn their memory passages and watch their eyes light up when I teach. I've gotten to crawl around on the floor with them and build tents made out of 100% cotton. (sheets - lol) They won't dance with me though. They do however, like to see me do it. Great entertainment. However, that will change soon. Back to the Primary Class and the drama that comes with that crowd. (How can 9 -10 year olds have drama already?!)

I have been on 3 week long vacations so far this year (All paid! Woot woot!) The first one really wasn't a vacation but it was a trip. And I was off work. And I had a good time, despite the reason for going. Then we went on the Most Amazing Road Trip Ever to Florida. Good times. And of course, my solo journey to SoCal for a few days. Coming back home was an event in and of itself but otherwise, it was a good trip. Lost a brother, though. And another one bites the dust. *Sigh* And I will be going on another vacation shortly. Don't know where but it will be somewhere East this time. :) Yay!

Then they're days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind...

Jaci makes it sound so fun and carefree! Me? I feel like I am plummeting towards the earth with no parachute. Those neat, little squares of earth that are seen from the airplane window suddenly something...different. Yes, there are days when I feel so lost, that I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. Days when I stare in the mirror going, "Who are you?" These are the days that even though outwardly, everything is normal, (I'm not tearing my hair out or running around screaming at the top of my lungs and waving a butcher knife) in my mind there is just a big, bold question mark.

Wherever I go, I'm just a visitor in my own life.

I read that quote in a book recently. I believe it has to do with Eastern philosophy, the whole "zen thing". And yet, it makes sense in our own faith, as well. Page number 24 in the hymnbook. However, when I read it, I felt sad. Because that would mean that The Visitor has no home, he's a vagabond. Homeless. A bum. His whole life, he's on the outside, looking in. Never belonging. Shouldn't one at the very least, feel at home inside his own skin? Yet, I feel like that lonely man sometimes. No matter how hard I try and seek to find "the real me", somehow the answer seems to elude me. Maybe Michelle is playing hide and seek. Who knows? There is a restlessness in me that mirrors the restlessness in The Visitor. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Why doesn't anything feel right?

The Dancing Me is more fun. ☻